All through this chapter, I have been stressing
how you should put your CV together. Every so often, a CV
arrives in the office that causes either great hilarity, or
severe cringing at someone's effort at marketing themselves.
I talked earlier about the twenty six page epic
that nearly ruined the career of a top IT specialist, and
someone who turned out to be a very, very good recruitment
consultant. So, with apologies to the afflicted, here are a
couple of examples of the worst type of CV madness I have
come across. Now, being the seasoned professionals you all are
now, you can afford to have a laugh. Before you laugh too much
though, just make sure you do not fall into the same trap
yourself, in a careless moment!
Example
One
In my spare time, for relaxation,
I like to listen to music, all sorts from classical to house. I
read a lot as well, particularly taking an interest in Science
Fiction (Asimov and Douglas Adams). I also like to tend my
allotment, where I produce vegetables without the use of
man-made fertilisers.
For stress release, I like to go rock
climbing, hang gliding (it's wonderful up there) and caving,
often spending weekends in the summer in the Brecon Beacons. In
the winter I tend to play a bit of squash, and try to keep trim
in the gym.
For mental stimulation, I enjoy the
challenge of a game of chess, where I have recently beaten my
computer on level six. I also compile crosswords for The
Telegraph, as well as take a keen interest in completing other
people's crossword puzzles.
I also have a home computer, and I am
currently learning how to program in C# and VB.Net.
WOW, that's one hell of an exciting life!
However, the first question any prospective employer will ask
is, "When does he have the time for work?"
Example 2
I worked for Bloggs Ltd for fourteen years, three
months and four days. My employee number was 35JB/456903/21,
and I was only sick for three days during my period of
employment with Bloggs Ltd. My specialist area was the
management of all the company training and instruction manuals
from ref 243/95/BD - 41 through to 244/96/FG - 37, during that
time I completed 347,502 separate manual upgrades.
Please note the names and numbers have been
changed to protect the innocent. Sorry, but this is how not to
get a job, and this was only the personal statement!
Oh, go on then, just one more.....
Example 3
I need to work for a company that will totally
support me to do the job my way. If that means I have to tread
on a few toes and upset a few people to get the company where I
need it to be, then so be it. However the company must be
friendly, as I am an easy-going sort.
I have to admit, that one got me totally. The sad
thing is that it's true. Someone actually wrote that on their
CV! There are many more examples of CV madness in my files. In
fact, that could be the subject of book, couldn't it? Now
there's a thought.
So, do
not get sucked into the trap of CV madness. If you do, you will
certainly not get the job. The only thing you will get is FAME,
because your CV will be passed around, and laughed at by HR ,
line managers, directors..... You might even end up pinned on
the wall in Personnel. It's the only way I know to immortality!
Next Page -
CV Final
Thoughts
